The Unlikely Salsero: Don Baarns

Monday, August 19, 2013

Faster Learning: Vary Your Location In Classes

Do you regularly move outside your comfort zone, trying to expand it over time? You should, because expanding your comfort zone and ignoring others while learning accelerates your growth.

Your mind thrives on variety and grows as you provide different stimulus. When you vary your location in classes you'll see different perspectives on the moves and be a stronger dancer in less time compared to those who only learn from one location.

If you take any dance class regularly or attend the same clubs, you'll notice this interesting thing about people: Most claim a certain location in the class or club as their own. After being there a few times, most find comfort setting up in the same relative floor space.

The regulars end up consistently dancing or exercising in the same location, in almost every class, unless someone new gets "our spot" before we arrive. They just don't know they have claimed our spot, but they'll learn.

Some people get downright indignant if you move into "their" normal location. You'd think they were paying rent or they owned the space, like the fabled parking spot with your name on it. You'll see some people showing up earlier than normal, just to lay claim to their comfort location.

In jazz or ballet classes, if you go "across the floor" (a series of spins/turning exercises, with two or three people starting every 8 or 16 counts), once the order for going across is established, it's an unwritten rule that the order stays that way for the rest of that class.

In other words, if I'm first in my line, I will be first for every new exercise specified by the instructor for that class. People who violate this unwritten rule are looked down on by others. Most people who go second, in the middle or last, do so class after class. They get comfortable with their relative order and stay there class after class.

In some classes I'm very uncomfortable in the front, but I make sure I go there occasionally as part of my "Dance like Nobody's Watching" concepts. I'm forced to focus on myself, my refinements, and ignore what others may be thinking.

Sometimes it's a major stretch for me, but over time, the results are worth it. Moving to a new location toughens you because you learn to ignore others, who may be more or less advanced. And if they really want to watch someone else (not likely), they can use the mirrors and see anybody they choose. Dancing in front of others is one of the dances goal anyway, so having it happen in class is actually a win when it happens.

This concept is also valid outside the classroom. Drive a slightly different way to class, work or the grocery store. Eat with your non-dominate hand sometime (bib optional), park in a different location, order something new off the menu, try no sugar in your tea and find ways to vary your own routine regularly. The more often you change up little habits, the more varied your stimulus, the faster you learn new things too.

There is plenty of mental comfort in keeping things routine, but it isn't the best way to learn and grow. If you attend a class regularly, avoid getting stuck in a rut and standing in the same location each class. Move around--you'll see that it changes your perspective. Get next to the instructor in some classes, and change sides in others. If you do this regularly, you'll improve faster, have more fun, and find new perspectives on some existing materials, making you a stronger dancer in less time.

The man who is too old to learn was probably always too old to learn.
-Caryl Haskins

Dance Books by Don Baarns:
amazon.com/author/music4dancers

Suggested Videos:
Music4Dancers: Free YouTube Musicality Series

Donation Page:
This site and the Music4Dancers video series are supported by your donations. No other ads!
All contributions appreciated!

Connect with me:
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Twitter: @UnlikelySalsero
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Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Mastering Music: NOT on the Dance Floor

Don't expect to master the music on the dance floor!
(Sorry--don't shoot the messenger.)

Let's be clear: I don't consider dancing the same as focused listening time. It's hard to have a great relationship with the music without some private time. You can do it with your "significant other" (S.O.) around, but I don't recommend it if they are the jealous type.

If you hear a tune enough on the floor you may remember some elements of the tune, like a few of the breaks and the melody, but I consider that a bonus. Experienced ears can also predict many of the breaks and will hear the section changes, because music isn't random.

While dancing, your focus includes the music, but your partner comes first, then the music and then your own moves and patterns. Don't expect to have enough attention to master the music when you have an attractive partner in front of you, especially if you are newer to the listening relationship game.

If you are also a newer dancer, then you are already multi-tasking up a storm. Critical listening is extremely difficult when your plate is already full with a partner, lights, and a large set of variables on the dance floor. Simply too much going on at once.

Focused listening requires you to repeat sections, and yelling to the DJ to repeat the introduction or the percussion solo isn't workable at most clubs. Live bands like that even less.

If you are new to focused listening, you should spend some quality alone time with just the music and you, along with the rewind/repeat buttons. As you grow your "ears", you can do 60 to 80% of your listening while doing things that don't require your full attention. For most, that includes driving, eating, showering, exercising, and other recurring tasks you do regularly.

Some focused listening requires alone time, with few distractions. You can do those sessions in five and ten minute chunks (quickies) around the rest of your life, with an occasional longer listening.

When driving for to a club for 30 to 60 minutes I've set my iPod to repeat one song the whole time, while sometimes using the reverse button to review a snippet 20 times or more. I may be listening to the vocals, a horn part, one or more percussionists or something else I find interesting.

Sometimes I may be bouncing between instruments and sections and/or counting parts of the tune to clarify the song structure. I've often listened to the same song on the way home, but focusing on different sections. It's amazing what you hear after extended reviews.

The more mature your ears become, the more you hear while multi-tasking, including being on the dance floor. Ultimately that's the pay-off.

You may not tell your S.O. about your music relationships, and we'll just keep that to ourselves. When they dance with you'll they'll quickly realize you have an intimate relationship with the music, and they'll love you for it.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
--Mae West

Dance Books by Don Baarns:
amazon.com/author/music4dancers

Related Articles:
Listening to Music 100 Times or More
The Irony of Teaching Music

Suggested Videos:
Music4Dancers: Free YouTube Series

Donation Page:
This site and the Music4Dancers video series are supported by your donations. No other ads!
All contributions appreciated!

Connect with me:
Facebook.com/UnlikelySalsero ("Like" the page)
Follow me on Twitter (@UnlikelySalsero)

This article was originally published Nov 2008. I've done some minor revisions before this republish.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Better Dancer: More Peer Critics

Is someone talking down your dancing?

They seemed so nice, but now they're saying unkind things about you.

You probably don't deserve it, but it will happen if you're improving regularly.

Over a year ago I wrote an articled titled "Better Dancer: More Partner Lying." It outlines the fact that as you improve, you'll get less constructive feedback from partners. They may tell you your strengths, but they avoid saying anything about your weaknesses. Overall that's a great thing, although it can leave you blind to the areas you could easily improve. (Check out the article for details.)

Your peers can be a different story. The more you grow and the faster it happens, the more someone won't like part of your dancing, your attitude or your hair style. If it's not your dancing, it's who they think you are dating, how you think you're better than the rest or that your "being nice" is just so fake.

The strongest dancers get the most praise and the most criticism. If you start getting more attention, some will feel threatened, jealous or sick to their stomach because they thought they'd always be better than you.

If you're seriously working harder than others, you'll pass them in time. If you grow quickly, you'll gather a small subset saying harsh things about you, whether you deserve it or not.

Some feel better about themselves by finding something that's your work-in-progress area.

My advice: Ignore most critics, keep on going, but don't get a big head about your progress. Be nice to everybody possible, and let the critics say what they will. A few people will never be happy with you, especially as you grow into the above average group.

If you are working like crazy and improving, there's no reason to be a snob. Even the best have plenty of room to grow. Find a couple mentors you can trust to tell you the truth, but otherwise ignore the few critics and keep on working it.

In other words, take it as a badge of honor if you have a few running their mouths about you. It means you're strong enough that somebody is paying attention. Everybody encourages the beginners, they don't threaten anybody.

Occasionally you should check with someone you trust in the scene, probably an instructor type. Ask them if the critics actually have some decent feedback you can use, but discard the rest. You certainly want to verify you're not blind to issues you could address, but most of the time it's just noise you don't need. It's just like high school all over again, with adult drama.

Social dancing is a great vehicle for improving yourself. Part of that growth includes developing a thicker skin in terms of criticism.

If you don't have anybody saying something negative about you, you're probably not growing toward your potential. Having a few talking you down is not unique to dancing so don't let it ruin your day.

Head up and move on.

I know a man who thinks a marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition,
which convinces us that he doesn't understand women or percentages.
--Henny Youngman

Originally published in Feb 2009. Revised and updated before republish.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

A Chance to Breath: Fast Songs

[Article originally published May 2007. It's been tweaked and expanded before the republish.]

Do you sit out the fast songs? Or maybe do the same dance, only faster when the music moves along at faster speeds? Learning to play with "half-time" or occasional "out of time" moments is a huge win for partner dancers. You do have to know the music timing very well, but this skill changes your fast song strategies and make them a joy rather than a workout for your partners.

[Going back to 2007]

A few weeks ago I'm teaching at an all day dance boot camps, and we take a break. We start the music playing so people can practice and have fun until "break-time" is over. The place starts buzzing with ladies trying out their new styling moves, and in a few minutes there are twenty couples laughing and having a good time on the floor.

I run over and turn off as many lights as practical, making it feel more like a club than a training studio. The next song on the play list was a smokin' fast salsa, with a very upbeat, happy feel.

I find this very attractive woman and ask her to dance, and she looks at me and says, "This is way too fast for me." I turn on my best, "It's OK, I'll take care of you" charm and gently guide her to the floor. She clearly wasn't thrilled but she looked resigned to getting through the dance.

After 30 seconds, her face lit up, and she started enjoying herself. Rather than doing a long series of intense moves, I did lots of simple moves, including some fairly complicated moves in slow motion (AKA "half time"; where you take 16 counts to do a move you would normally do in 8 counts). I was going back and forth between normal tempo moves for a few bars, then giving her time to catch her breath with a move that seemed slower too her, but was really just in half time. I watched her reaction and kept adjusting based on her responses.

A few times, I started into a pattern that fit the music, but we got behind the time, so I stretched the move out, ignoring the time for a bar or two, then restarting back in time at the next logical musical phrase. She said, "I always hated fast songs, since I feel like I can't keep up and guys just keep doing patterns and I can't catch my breath. This was more like making love with ebbs and flows..."

There is nothing like hearing a woman say, "great dancing is like making love." Well, it should feel that way...when we're doing it right.

I Didn’t Do Anything Special
I realized I didn’t do anything exceptional, but I approached the song differently than most guys. I established that I knew exactly where the time was, and then ignored it where it made sense. This allowed her to keep up, and when she was struggling I did some moves at half their normal speed. This included some fun, challenging material, along with easy, sexy moves to keep it interesting but also backing off if I saw her getting toward the edge.

With every partner, you should be looking for logical musical points to let them breath. When you are not dancing, listen to the horn soloists in the band, they do that all the time. They blast out a set of notes, making a musical statement, and then they take a breath before starting the next sequence. The make some blasts short and some longer, but obviously they have to breath at some points. The faster the song, the more important it is to break things up. Complex moves and patterns, followed by another complex sequence is like holding your partners head under water for the duration.

Most of us guys want our partners to feel like dancing is like making love; it should move between fun, playful, powerful, restful, and intense with a nice ebb and flow. On a faster tune, be sure to think about letting your partner breath in between your best moves. It'll make you best even better!

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and give her a house.
-Rod Stewart

Related Article:
Breaking In At A Congress Or Event

Dance Books by Don Baarns:
amazon.com/author/music4dancers

Suggested Videos:
Music4Dancers: Free YouTube Musicality Series

Donation Page:
This site and the Music4Dancers video series are supported by your donations. No other ads!
All contributions appreciated!

Connect with me:
Facebook.com/UnlikelySalsero ("Like" the page)
Twitter: @UnlikelySalsero
Google+ (Don Baarns)

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Gaining Perspective on Your Dancing (and Life)

As we grow, sometimes it seems like everybody else around us is improving or is already better. They are making more progress then we are, and making it look easy, when I'm struggling to get to the next level.

In my case, nothing beats doing something rather than complaining about my lack of progress. Take a new class, watch some dance DVDs and find a few new moves, hang out with some stronger dancers, hang out with some beginners (realizing how far I've progressed), go to a new club, or occasionally, simply do something else to gain perspective.

When I'm feeling like I need to kick myself in the rear, I watch these two videos again. They are NOT related to any specific dance, but are worth viewing when you need some perspective. They make my complaining seem very petty.

Check out this basketball player and his excuses:

When you are struggling with your dancing, check out these two dancers. You can't help but admire their ability to move forward after severe, life changing setbacks:

Let me know your thoughts on these clips.

Familarity breed contempt -- and children.
-Mark Twain

Monday, May 20, 2013

Questions? (or, Am I Stupid or What?)

Some people think I'm the dumbest person in a class, and a few treat me like I have a big red "S" on my forehead, like a tattoo that screams "Stupid!"

All because I ask more questions than many others. I want clarity because it pays back dramatically over time and often I pass my "smarter" peers over time.

If you practice an exercise or motion incorrectly for a couple of weeks or months, you have to go back and unlearn that motion, then learn the correct motion, and often that takes much more time than getting it right from the start.

I've been humbled greatly in classes. Sometimes the movements didn't work for me that day, and I had to see it in a second or third class before I got it. In some cases my initial learning is significantly slower than some others. I can be confused, or frustrated or just hoping they slow things down for a few minutes, so I can see more details. If I let my ego get in the way, it's discouraging because "all the other kids get it" and I don't initially.

I want excellence, and I know if the fundamentals aren't clear to me, it will require relearning later, so I ask now, rather than practice the wrong thing because I'm missing something. You want the details if practical, so you "know that you know." You can then build on those fundamentals and go beyond the initial lesson, so ultimately you are much further ahead, even if the start up is slower.

Once you get the proper motion at a slower tempo you can refine it and within a few days or weeks, accelerate the movement.

The time I minimize questions is when I knowingly attend a class way over my head.

For example, in a beginning class it's fair game to ask all sorts of questions, because in theory everybody is just starting. Sometime I may take a more advanced class because I'm taking privates from the instructor. It's way over my head but I know that if you surround yourself with people at a higher level, you grow faster.

When I attend that type of class, I simply stand in the back and take in as much as possible, knowing I'll miss some things and at points I'm simply an observer, and/or I'm investing in future growth. Too many questions because I haven't done my homework and that's a drag for everybody. There is a balance.

Exercises or movements that are easy for most of the class may be impossible for me with my current experience (or lack thereof), so I save those questions for my privates, where the instructor breaks it down to my level.

(Side note: Try taking a jazz dance class in your mid forties, having NEVER attended a jazz class in your life. It’s extremely humbling and allows me to relate to new dancers in my beginning classes. When someone struggles with a move in my class, I know exactly how they feel!)

When I'm teaching, and there is someone like me who asks questions, I might have to say, "That's an excellent question; let's deal with that after class, and anybody else who wants clarity on that issue is free to join us." Let the instructor handle it if you ask questions that are outside the scope for the class in general. Nine out of ten times, though, the question you have is the same one that six others are thinking but are afraid to ask.

The rule is: Be bold and ask! Your dancing will improve much faster than those who pretend to "get it" when something is unclear. You can just laugh to yourself. Don't rub it in, just keep on getting clarity while you're learning.

In the long run you will be way ahead of others who don't get the fundamentals.

Most people over estimate how much they can do in a short period of time
and under estimate how much they can accomplish over a longer time frame.
-Mickey Carbin

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Blacklisted!

Did you realize that most club dancers keep a "Blacklist?" It may not be written out, but over time everybody will decide there are people who they don't want to dance with.

Some women blacklist you because you're too gray, had bad breath one day, can't stay on beat, aren't cool enough, spin them too much, spin them too little, had too many drinks, are too tall, too short, don't have enough "flavor," or maybe hang with the wrong crowd.

Sometimes it also happens after a dance or two, if a guy is overly aggressive or tries to get too close too soon. Occasionally a lady dances close with one partner, and the new guy thinks he can do the same thing when the previous partners have a long dance history. If the new guy doesn't pay attention to her body language (or ignores it), he may miss the fact she doesn't want him so close.

I know some women black list guys later in the evening, because they sweat heavily and don't bring a change of shirts or take breaks and cleanup a little. (I don't blame ladies for that.)

There are a hundred reasons, and the amusingly-aggravating thing is, it can vary depending on their mood.

Fact is, most women keep a Black, Gray, and Favorite list along with a very, very short, "I'm one glass of wine and a good dance from going home with that guy" list. (I've heard of that one, but I've never seen it actually happen...)

Overall, I accept it and over the years I've even recommended some ladies turn down specific guys. I've seen those guys be rough or fail to protect their partners, basically because they are too into their own dancing.

I want to be on the Favorite list if possible. I'd rather a woman turn me down than dance with me while acting like she'd prefer an anesthesia-free root canal. Over time, most of us take it less personally, and realize that there are some excellent dancers who don't always want to dance with me.

After dancing many years I have a few who have never danced with me even though we've seen each other regularly, and I have some new follows who turn me down. It happened to me in the club the other night (after dancing for many years.) So what? She didn't know me, I'm not the youngest in the club, maybe I looked like an older white guy to her, and she has had poor experiences with those in the past. Who knows.

Some leads also have blacklists, ladies they don't ask even if they have seen them before. She could be too tall, or married and he only wants to dance with single ladies, or he thought she had a poor attitude in the past. Guys can be pretty shallow in their asking criteria.

I've seen excellent follows who look great with others, but don't sync well with me. Also, some women I liked when I first started are not as much fun anymore. Women will love a certain lead when they're beginners, but then find a year later that the same guy "isn't all that anymore." As your level changes, your tastes in a partner often evolve as well.

Some advanced dancers just don't want to dance with beginners, so they blacklist everybody who hasn't proven that they're worthy of their time. I don't agree with that approach; but as I dance more and more, I realize that you can't always dance with everyone you'd like. Consequently, you often dance with those you know rather than someone new.

As novices, most guys get indignant if turned down. I used to blacklist any women who turned me down twice. Worse, I would swear at her under my breath if she turned me down and went on the floor with another guy 30 seconds later. (I hope my Mom doesn't read this.)

Today, if I know her, I often don't ask directly. I gently grab her hand, lead her to the floor and start dancing. Since we've danced and had fun in the past, it's rare that she'll stop me after we're on the floor. And some other guy may be fuming since he just asked her. I had one women protest "I just turned someone down!" and I said, "Sorry, that's not my problem, I like this song and you are perfect for it!"

If a women turns you down, the easiest thing to do is ask someone else AND improve your dancing. I'm committed to being better next month, rather than worrying about the ones who won't dance with me today. Someday, she will notice I'm improving and she may change her mind. If she doesn't, that's fine too.

I never believe anybody owes me a dance, you shouldn't either. Leads should develop a thick skin, and move on.

What gets someone on your blacklist?
Have you changed your mind and why did you?

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you
cannot grow.
-Ronald Osborn

Partner Dance Success: Book Is Live

"Partner Dance Success" is now live on Amazon.com (and associated sites around the world.)

I think you're going to like it! Of course, I want your feedback.

Click here to see book on Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CLG16QI

After the first three weeks of publishing, it has ranked #1 virtually every day. (Thanks to so many here!)

Partner dancing has some unique challenges for the adult dancer. This book will help you have fun in less time, and puts together years of accumulated experience and lessons learned from the real world.

The book started with over 20 fun articles from this blog, combined with some original writing, lots of editing and updates, and is now available to you for $4.95.

You do NOT need a Kindle reader to read it. Amazon has FREE Kindle readers for the Mac/PC, iPhones, iPads, Android, Blackberry and Windows phones.

In other words, read it on the computer, or virtually any smartphone.

Please let me know what you think!

Update: A paperback version will be on Amazon by around May 22th or so. I'll update this page when it's live.

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