Some women blacklist you because you're too gray, had bad breath one day, can't stay on beat, aren't cool enough, spin them too much, spin them too little, had too many drinks, are too tall, too short, don't have enough "flavor," or maybe hang with the wrong crowd.
Sometimes it also happens after a dance or two, if a guy is overly aggressive or tries to get too close too soon. Occasionally a lady dances close with one partner, and the new guy thinks he can do the same thing when the previous partners have a long dance history. If the new guy doesn't pay attention to her body language (or ignores it), he may miss the fact she doesn't want him so close.
I know some women black list guys later in the evening, because they sweat heavily and don't bring a change of shirts or take breaks and cleanup a little. (I don't blame ladies for that.)
There are a hundred reasons, and the amusingly-aggravating thing is, it can vary depending on their mood.
Fact is, most women keep a Black, Gray, and Favorite list along with a very, very short, "I'm one glass of wine and a good dance from going home with that guy" list. (I've heard of that one, but I've never seen it actually happen...)
Overall, I accept it and over the years I've even recommended some ladies turn down specific guys. I've seen those guys be rough or fail to protect their partners, basically because they are too into their own dancing.
I want to be on the Favorite list if possible. I'd rather a woman turn me down than dance with me while acting like she'd prefer an anesthesia-free root canal. Over time, most of us take it less personally, and realize that there are some excellent dancers who don't always want to dance with me.
After dancing many years I have a few who have never danced with me even though we've seen each other regularly, and I have some new follows who turn me down. It happened to me in the club the other night (after dancing for many years.) So what? She didn't know me, I'm not the youngest in the club, maybe I looked like an older white guy to her, and she has had poor experiences with those in the past. Who knows.
Some leads also have blacklists, ladies they don't ask even if they have seen them before. She could be too tall, or married and he only wants to dance with single ladies, or he thought she had a poor attitude in the past. Guys can be pretty shallow in their asking criteria.
I've seen excellent follows who look great with others, but don't sync well with me. Also, some women I liked when I first started are not as much fun anymore. Women will love a certain lead when they're beginners, but then find a year later that the same guy "isn't all that anymore." As your level changes, your tastes in a partner often evolve as well.
Some advanced dancers just don't want to dance with beginners, so they blacklist everybody who hasn't proven that they're worthy of their time. I don't agree with that approach; but as I dance more and more, I realize that you can't always dance with everyone you'd like. Consequently, you often dance with those you know rather than someone new.
As novices, most guys get indignant if turned down. I used to blacklist any women who turned me down twice. Worse, I would swear at her under my breath if she turned me down and went on the floor with another guy 30 seconds later. (I hope my Mom doesn't read this.)
Today, if I know her, I often don't ask directly. I gently grab her hand, lead her to the floor and start dancing. Since we've danced and had fun in the past, it's rare that she'll stop me after we're on the floor. And some other guy may be fuming since he just asked her. I had one women protest "I just turned someone down!" and I said, "Sorry, that's not my problem, I like this song and you are perfect for it!"
If a women turns you down, the easiest thing to do is ask someone else AND improve your dancing. I'm committed to being better next month, rather than worrying about the ones who won't dance with me today. Someday, she will notice I'm improving and she may change her mind. If she doesn't, that's fine too.
I never believe anybody owes me a dance, you shouldn't either. Leads should develop a thick skin, and move on.
What gets someone on your blacklist?
Have you changed your mind and why did you?
Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you
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