Why Don't the Guys Ask Me?

Ladies love to be asked to dance, but sometimes they wonder why others are being asked and they're not.

First, let's start with the obvious: Men are pretty simple, and if you are dressed fashionably, you improve your odds of being asked to dance. That doesn't mean you need to look like you're auditioning for lead pole at the strip club, or on the verge of a wardrobe malfunction, but the "I'm going to Home Depot for some painting supplies" look isn't a usually a winning one. Salsa gives you a vehicle for showing off your femininity, and you should probably lean toward more dramatic clothes. These can range from ripped jeans and trendy bra-tops to short skirts and sexy blouses. Pick a style that represents you and compliments your beauty, and don't be afraid to dress with attitude!

Location, location, location
All clubs have a "sweet spot" or location where the ladies are more likely to be asked. Figure out that location and make it yours when you're not taking a break. Stand there when waiting to dance. Many clubs have spots where the crowd has to pass to get on the floor. The more guys who walk past you, to or from the floor, the better your odds. Avoid sitting until you really want a rest.

While standing and waiting, if you are subtly grooving to the music, that is also a positive. Guys are attracted to movement, and some simple movement makes you a more inviting partner than someone doing a potted-plant imitation.

When dancing with a good lead, see if you can influence him to dance in front of the other guys you want to ask you later. Seeing you on the floor dramatically increases your future dances, and often a club has an area where the stronger leads hang out. Since the guys don't care where they dance, if you state a preference, most are fine going to that area.

Look like you are having fun with the other leads. This is huge. I really don't care if you're a world class salsera; I'd rather dance with someone who has moderate skills, a great attitude, and a sincere smile than a Britney Spears wannabe-diva who looks bored with their leads. I'll assume that if you're having fun with others, you'll do the same with me.

Wearing dance shoes is also a major plus. Maybe you're a Victoria's Secret model, but if you wear sexy street pumps, I'll admire your shoes (and maybe your looks), but I won't ask you to dance unless I've seen you dancing with others. Too many times, I've seen decked-out women in street shoes who can't dance. Wearing dance shoes says you're not only out clubbing, and I know you're either already good or investing in getting better.

If you sit too far from the dance floor, I'm much less likely to ask you; I can't tell if you don't want to dance, if you're shy, or if you simply want to watch. If you're sitting on some guy's lap, or he is close enough to put his arm around you and you are in a conversation, I'll pass as well. If you want to be asked, be sure you don't look like a couple constantly.

Don't make me ask you while the guy is sitting on the outside of the booth and I have to reach over him to ask for your hand. Even a booth with women around you make you less approachable. If you are attractive it can look like I'm only interested in hot women and so I'll simply skip it until you are not surrounded by others.

If you are new at the club, go to the class before the dancing starts. You meet men as you rotate during the class and some will ask you to dance IF you had a good attitude. You may not need the lesson but it's still an excellent way to get some guys to know you dance with a good attitude. You can also say something like "save me a dance later..." before you rotate. Few guys can resist that invitation.

Of course, if we have a common friend or I have seen you dance reasonably well with others, that changes things. If you have a great dance with a lead, ask him if any of his friends dance as well as he does. He'll be flattered and introduce you to the other good leads he knows.
Guys: Let me know what makes it more likely for you to ask a lady to dance.
Ladies: Let me know what has been successful for you.

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman knows.
- Monica Piper