Free Advice (Don't)

Free advice is worth the paper it's printed on.

Don’t give advice to people who don’t ask you. Unless they are paying for your advice, they really don’t want to hear your negative thoughts. Most people will resent you for pointing out areas they need to improve, even if your advice is “perfect” for them. While I can give you the same advice for free, most people won’t listen to me until they are paying for my point of view.

How many times have you heard someone saying nasty things about their best friend, sibling, spouse or S.O., and then ten minutes later practically get in a fight if someone else says the same thing? I can tell someone my sister/wife/mother is an, “ugly, blood-sucking parasite, not worth the space she takes on earth”. But if you say, “she should consider a different hair style,” those are fighting words.

If someone asks me for advice, I find what I like about their dancing or appearance and highlight it for them. You can find something good about everybody. We are all a work in progress and when I hear a lady likes the way I spin her or the way I lead a certain move, I am encouraged and continue to work on improving my dancing.

It’s easy for me to be a critic and find areas you can improve, but most of the time it’s just not helpful for me to point out your weaknesses. When I’m in the club sometimes I think I’m in an alternate universe because a third of the guys are dancing off the time. Do you think I’m going to break the news to them? NO WAY!!! They don’t care what I think, the ladies with them are having fun, and they are there for social activities, not to impress me.

Am I qualified to give great advice on timing? Absolutely! It’s one of my strengths, but that still doesn’t mean they want to hear it from me unless they are paying for that advice. Plus the club is generally the wrong environment for teaching.

In my case, I could look more stylish and you pointing it my style is "vanilla" or “you don't look Cuban” isn’t some big news to me. I take classes every month from a Cuban salsero and some hip-hop classes to fill out my movement vocabulary and body control. So again, unless you know me really well, I probably don’t need to hear it from you, since I’m already working on my weaknesses.

So the general rule is: Don’t give advice unless you’re being paid.

There are some minor exceptions to this rule. In my "Friends Don't Let Friends Dance Big" article, I mention you should let your friends know if their dancing is turning people off. Here are a couple additional points you should consider:

1) If they are your friend, you SHOULD tell them if they are dancing too large, too wild, they have bad breath, or if they should try a different deodorant. Nobody else is going to tell them, and as the song goes, "That's what friends are for..."

2) Do it discreetly, unless there is an immediate accident waiting to happen. Don’t do it in front of others, but rather in the rest room, on the drive home, or during a break when others can’t hear you. Many people don’t want any feedback, but as long as you deliver it correctly, they need to hear it from you.

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
-Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts