How Many Instructors (Part 2: Same Sex?)

This is part 2 of my "How Many Instructors" series. Part 1 discusses the recommended quantity of mentors over time, this article focuses on their sex. No, not their private lives (or yours), but when learning to dance, should you take private sessions (AKA "privates") from someone who is not your gender?

In other words, should your private instructor be a man or a woman?

Yes!

That is the short answer, but maybe some details will be helpful.

Overall, it makes sense to learn much of your dancing from someone with the matching chromosome combination. Guys learning from guys, women learning from women makes sense for two of your three primary mentors.

That said, I believe almost everybody should spend some quality time with the best instructor they can find who is not their gender. There are a few instructors out there who can do it all, but they are truly the minority.

First, from the ladies perspective: Most women take lessons with women. It makes sense, most men are not experts in ladies styling, and being sexy in a feminine manner isn’t something most guys do well.

On the other hand, a great male instructor can teach a lady how to be a better follow even if he glosses over some of the style issues. Is her connection too heavy or too light? Is she spinning in place when the lead is implying a traveling turn? Is her styling getting in the way of the lead, or is it an enhancement to the dance?

Most guys will tell you they dislike ladies who “overstyle.” That usually means the styling move disturbs their lead, often by being late to finish their move. That booty roll looks great, but if it ends two counts after the lead expected, he can get frustrated. While a few exceptional female instructors lead well enough to fix the partner connection, most don’t lead enough to fine-tune an above average follow.

A quality male instructor who has danced with a thousand women can help you fine-tune your follow in ways most female instructors don’t even notice. Again, they will probably not be the ideal source of your sexiest moves, but since salsa is a partner dance, having the sexiest moves with little connection is far from ideal. Male instructors can lead ladies through more complicated combinations in slow motion, tuning the placement, connection and feel along the way.

The same goes for the men. An excellent female instructor can dramatically improve your leading skills. She will let you know if you are pulling an arm too soon during the hammerlock unwind, making your partner uncomfortable, or you are spinning someone before her prep is complete. Female instructors tend to focus on how your lead feels for the lady, as opposed to teaching you the latest move of the week.

Females open a guy’s eyes to issues not raised by the vast majority of male instructors. They can dramatically improve the above-average lead, especially because those guys get little but positive feedback. Few partners will tell them the areas that are uncomfortable, because the rest of their lead or dancing is better than most, so why should they deliver any bad news. Most guys would simply shoot the messenger and not dance with them again.

In other words, cross training with someone of the opposite sex can dramatically improve your dancing, and this doesn’t just apply to the beginning lead or follow.

When looking for your three primary mentors, don’t exclude someone of the other sex. They can often make a huge difference in your dancing, primarily by fine-tuning your partner work. Their perspective provides a big win for you, especially if you can humble yourself to take their advice.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
-Will Rogers