The Hair Club for Men has been around a while, and I suspect some have escaped and joined the "Unaware Club for Men."
The guys that scare me the most are the ones who "don't know they don't know." They try leading complex moves, missing the fact that their partner is in pain from the last move. They dance off time, wondering what is wrong with their partners and why the women don't follow well at this club. They run their partners into those around them, step on toes and act like nothing happened. On the crowded dance floor they dance big and ignore the fact that their partner is getting hit or is very uncomfortable with their choices. If they see something go wrong, they assume it's the other guy's fault.
Some of us guys are simply clueless, and the psychologists are now telling us things that are obvious if you've danced a while (or are female).
Dr. David Dunning of Cornell University said that the "incompetent are often supremely confident of their abilities. They are blissfully ignorant, because the skills required for competent assessment are also the ones they are missing."
"Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it,'' wrote Kruger, now an assistant professor at the University of Illinois, and Dunning.
"This deficiency in 'self-monitoring skills,' the researchers said, helps explain the tendency of the humor-impaired to persist in telling jokes that are not funny, of day traders to repeatedly jump into the market -- and repeatedly lose out -- and of the politically clueless to continue holding forth at dinner parties on the fine points of campaign strategy."
The incompetent, therefore, suffer doubly, they suggested in a paper appearing in the December issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
"Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it,'' wrote Kruger, now an assistant professor at the University of Illinois, and Dunning.
The findings, the psychologists said, support Thomas Jefferson's assertion that "he who knows best knows how little he knows.''
The studies do conclude it may not be the guy's fault. Sort of like the "pigs don't know pigs stink" concept. Check out the complete article below for additional details.
http://home.att.net/~profmulder/Incompetence.htm
I'm thinking maybe there is some hope, because if a guy reads this article, maybe he'll wonder if it applies to him. Most who don't get it will assume it's the other guy, but it's possible some self reflection may make a difference. I'm not holding my breath but I'm hoping something will help.
Let me know your thoughts!
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
-Milton Berle
8 comments:
I started reading recently at the suggestion of a friend. I started dancing two years ago at 35, and I'm beginning to wonder if teaching is not completely out of the question. Thanks for the shining example in that department.
I think we've all been that clueless guy. Part of the problem is that asking and leading both require confidence. Maybe a little too much confidence.
We psych ourselves up to climb the mountain, and then discover we've knocked it over. It takes time to reach the point where we become more aware of our partners as individuals and more aware of the dance floor as a whole, without detracting from the confidence that allows us to give it a go in the first place.
I agree we all go through that phase, but there are many guys who stay in the unaware club for a long, long time.
Some guys realize early on they are just OK, knowing they have to go through that phase to get to the other side. They work on improving, and are hungry to learn.
Some guys think they are excellent partner dancers and don't realize they even need additional resources and/or could use some assistance.
I agree we have to act more confident than we might be in the beginning, but there is a set of guys who simply ignore others and don't realize they have quite a bit to learn.
(I still have a ton to learn, and I'm painfully aware of how little I know...)
Keep on dancing! Starting at 43 all I can say is I wish I had started at age 35 and kept going. There is nothing that matches a few years of experience.
I appreciate the feedback and if I missed something, fire away!
Interesting. I've been to clubs where most women (beginners / average dancers) didn't follow well and where several guys (low level) bumped into me; does that mean I'm necessarily the one who was unaware?!
You sound very proud of your 'modesty' so you'd better follow your own advice: Could you yourself be unaware of the size of your own ego?
I have no idea if you are the one who doesn't know. I suspect since you read blogs on dancing, you are someone who isn't ignorant.
The guys who think they know it all usually don't take the time/effort to seek out resources for self-development. While you and I may respectfully disagree on something, you are reading and in my experience, that means you are aware there are things to learn.
******
I certainly have a bigger ego than most (and probably most combined).
That said, I'm painfully aware of my strenghts and weaknesses. When you dance in LA next to some of the people winning the contests around the world, teach at the same clubs, take classes where most 20 year olds totally smoke me on EVERYTHING, it's easy to realize how little I know.
Being someone who thought he was a hot shot musicially until I moved to LA (from Detroit) I ate lots of humble pie as a young man in the music scene. I made that mistake once and I learned the hard way.
While I have a big ego, I'm a constant student of dance and life. I continue to take classes regularly and I'm often in the lower third of the class on my best days.
I started as the worst in the classes, but I take private lessons with the instructor so my understanding is improving even if I can't execute yet.
I'm modest because I'm surrounded by EXCELLENT dancers regularly and by comparison, I'm barely a beginner. I know how little I know, even if I know more than many people.
And I've taught music and salsa for years, but I'm still at the beginning of the journey.
I appreciate your feedback and commments!
I thought this sounded very familiar, but it's hard to believe that I read this NYT article over 7 years ago. How time flies.
Empathy is very powerful tool in my opinion. While not quite the same thing, being able to read how your partner is feeling through the body/finger/etc connection and being able to instantly adjust to it gracefully adds another dimension to the quality of one's lead, etc.
You are right, reading your partner and adjusting in real time is the mark of a more mature dancer.
Many of the guys who don't know aren't paying enough attention to their partners so they are less likely to have empathy with them.
For most guys, being unaware is a phase, but for some it's just the way they are...
In many occasions, the instructors have not emphasised the interaction between the dance partners (or the partnership of the dancers involved). Perhaps they themselves do not realise the importance of this factor. That might have also contributed towards the situation.
Some Taiji hand-pushing exercises with eyes closed might help.
As a woman, I don't agree with what Anonymous said a couple of posts above. If a guy is a good dancer, any woman after taking just a couple of classes can follow him. If a guy doesn't know what he's doing, it can be a challenge even for and advanced dancer to follow him. I totally agree with Don, some guys are overconfident and blissfully ignorant, they throw you around the floor, make you bump into other people, making you look bad, when it's actually their lousy leading that is at fault.
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Don Baarns - Unlikely Salsero