Response to Comments Delayed

I've had a couple excellent responses on my hearing lyrics and I'm looking forward to writing my replies.

That said, my home is only a few miles from the Southern California fires. I live in one of the valleys where the surrounding mountains are/were burning today. (Most fires are out in my area, with one exception that is pushing smoke my way.)

My neighbors were ringing the doorbell around 5:45 am this morning, because the fires were out of control at that point in the mountains and too close for comfort. No direct issues, but amazing how big the fires get with the winds.

I'm in no immediate danger, but at points I'm downwind (3 to 10 miles) from some dense fires still burning in the surrounding mountains. The wind has mostly been a positive for me personally, moving most of the smoke away from my house.

Any other comments on the articles are appreciated, and I promise responses in the next day or two. Everything is fine overall, but we are on alert in case the situation requires evacuation or changes.

There is a few mile buffer between my place and the mountains, and I can't see a scenario where fire will be an issue for me. On the other hand, smoke may cause me to move out for a day or so.

I'll probably delete this message once I'm back in the saddle... I just had some great responses and would love to write responses but life has this on the back-burner for another day or two.

Don

Feeling Lonely

Wow... I look at the stats and in the first 24 hours, hundreds of people read my previous article called "Better Ears: Voices in My Head."

So far there are very few comments, either here or via the Facebook group.

I thought we would have a bunch of people say what they are hearing. I'd made some minor edits to the original article, to encourage you to make comments. (No... not the other person reading: YOU!)

Because the reader numbers are high enough, I know 20, 30, 40 people (or more) have the words exactly right, but I scared them away. That's the last thing I want to do!

It's an exercise and I have songs that have taken me years to figure out some words. The process of listening and figuring out the words has been a major positive contribution to my music education and listening skills. (Again, try it with friends and family and report what they are hearing... you'll find it fascinating.)

My bad, because I thought this was a great example, and it's hard to find multiple versions of a tune that are with and without visuals. (The second version is easier the hear than the first, but part of that is because you're seeing the singer. If you were hearing it only, it's not as easy.)

If you don't want post a comment (either location) please feel free to send me private mail with what you're hearing (or post anonymously if you wish) and I'll verify your words. My e-mail address is at the bottom of every page.

I'm interested in your thoughts...

Better Ears: Voices in My Head

Learning song lyrics (words) are an excellent way to improve your musical listening skills. This uses my "Selective Focus" concept, which is one of the keys to hearing the music well. Of course, anybody can look up the lyrics, the trick here is actively listening to the song.

Focusing on the words, you selectively listen to the singer while mentally blocking some of the music. That's the same skill used to listen to one instrument, while ignoring the others. Over time, you learn to selectively focus on any desired voice, instrument or set of instruments in the music. You hear the overall sound, and/or pick out interesting things that most others aren't hearing.

Visually we do this all the time. When driving yourself, you hardly notice things that are obvious when you're a passenger, because the driver's focus is different. We want similar selective focus with our hearing.

Clearly hearing the clave, piano, bass, percussion and/or other instruments are longer-term goals for salsa dancers. Many are surprised to find that other people don't hear the same words.

It is much more difficult hearing the diverse instruments in rich salsa music, so start with lyrics and build a solid foundation. The lyrics are usually the most accessible part of the music but they can still be a positive, fun challenge.

In other words, song lyrics are simply one of the best starting points for tuning and refining your ears.

If you already have great ears, working the lyrics is another tool for refining your listening skills. You can (and should) figure them out it in your car, while exercising, eating, shaving or almost any other activity which doesn't require your absolute full attention. If you are starting out, there is significant payback from investing some concentrated time listening without doing something else.

I work with so many people who want to hear more in the music, but they often want to run really fast, when they don't crawl very well. To see this in action, listen to the beginning of the 1976 hit by Stevie Wonder called "As", and write down the lyrics, especially his first phrase at around 14 seconds. (It's so last century, but a classic.)

Repeat that process for the second verse, starting around the 34 second mark. I highly recommend you take a minute or two and write down those lines. We'll use those words later in the article. You don't need to do the complete tune for this example, you can do that as a follow-up after writing the first couple lines of each section.



The words for this tune are very creative and Stevie is a musical genius in both words and music.

To get it right, (without cheating and using Google to find the lyrics) less experienced ears often need more listenings, and a wide set of people will not get it right until they have practiced. (BTW - If you get one or two words wrong you're "normal," so don't be bothered.)

Please use the comments below or the Facebook discussion group to tell us what you heard the first time. It will give everybody a great insight into the fact that everybody hears different things when listening to music. Again, if you miss a word or two, so what!

Anybody can learn to hear these words, the music and how it all works together with some effort. This is designed to be a fun, interesting exercise. I love first version for it's creative genius, the second version for the way it's sung and the interesting visuals.

More experienced ears generally get it right within a few reviews. Sometimes we all get fooled, thinking we have it right, and you'll have a tough time hearing it differently once you believe you "have it."

I recommend you listen to it at least 3 to 5 times, verifying the opening line is correct, AND verifying the line that starts at the 34 second mark is right. Again, writing these lines down is very helpful.

If you want to really have some fun, ask a few of your friends to listen to the tune and tell you the opening lines. You'll be amazed at the variations you hear, and that is normal. Then ask them to tell you the line around the 34 second mark (as you did above). Some will hear the same line as you, some will hear something different.

After writing down your answers, check out the second version of the tune (below). It's a remake by George Michael and Mary J Blige (MJB). Please don't watch it until you've done the exercises above.

You'll quickly notice this version is easier to hear. It's a modern recording, it's a little slower and you can see him singing, making it dramatically easier to get the words right. I selected this tune partly because I had both versions, with and without visuals.

As stated in a previous article on hearing with your eyes (see "Related Articles" below), the visuals of someone singing make it much easier to verify specific words. This same concept applies to the other instruments when watching musicians perform, and you can see the concept in action in these two examples.

Check out this version against the words you wrote down. Does his singing match with the words you wrote down above?



I'll follow up in the comments section with the correct lyrics in a couple days so you can check yourself if you wish. (I think you'll find it fascinating.) Play it for as many friends and family members as possible and see what they hear.

To be clear: Hearing the words is much easier than hearing the individual instruments in almost any song. Figuring out the exact words builds your selective focus skills and you'll use that to your advantage as you grow.

The tunes I provide above are simply examples, and you should take your favorite tunes and see if you can get all the words right. Because this can require listening to the same song 50 times, pick music you really like. Over time, this skill provides a foundation for hearing the details in salsa music, and then you can apply that to your dancing.

Side Note: I'm experimenting with a new Facebook group for discussing blog articles (like this one) because threaded conversations are easier to follow. If you're on Facebook, add yourself to the group and please post what you heard when you started. I think others will be surprised how many different things people hear. The more people who contribute, the more we will all learn.

If we get honest answers, you'll quickly see you're not the only one who misses a word or two.

Click here to join the Facebook group.

Related Articles:
Using Your Eyes to Hear the Music
Listening to Music 100 Times or More
Finding "One" Over the Wires (part of a series)
Hearing but not Listening (part 3 of a series)

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.
There can be no courage unless you're scared.
--Eddie Rickenbacker

Three "Above Average" Secrets For New Guys

News flash: Guys don't need to be the best in the room to have a great time. If you want to maximize your social dancing fun, you simply need to become "above average" in your area as fast as possible. Not a super star, but better than half the guys in the room.

A beginning guy walks into the club. Many quickly get discouraged when seeing some of the leads with years of experience. It seems like they are having all the fun, and many believe you have to be a near pro to have a great time. During beginners hell-- that point where you can't remember much beyond basic and cross-body leads-- it seems like you need to earn that elite status to get the great dances. Through the new guy eyes it looks like such a daunting task.

Not so!

Secret Number 1: Getting to Slightly Above Average is a Major Tipping Point
I say this to all the newer leads who will listen: The fun in dancing is amplified dramatically when you get yourself into that "slightly above average" skill level. There is nothing wrong for working toward being the best in the room, but getting into the top 49% changes the dynamics of partner dancing forever.

Once you're better than half the guys in any room, you grow even faster because the stronger partners are much happier dancing with you. Part of the followers night is spent dancing with guys below your level, so you start earning a spot on their "preferred list."

Some start positioning themselves closer to you so you almost have to ask them or risk being rude (it’s a great problem when it happens). Dancing with stronger partners improves your game too, and it creates its own momentum.

At the same time, when dancing with newer follows (who grow much faster than most new guys), they recognize you're better than many others and as they grow, they also want more dances with you. You win with both sets of potential partners.

Just the fact that you've grown to that level lets them know that you'll probably continue improving, and ladies are attracted to guys who are improving month to month. Even if you reduce the pace of your direct learning, you’ll still grow with the momentum of your stronger partners.

Secret Number 2: "Average" is not real high at most clubs
Being the best in the room is generally a multi-year project, and by definition, few guys will reach that level. On the other hand, the average level at most clubs is not too high, and getting to average is not out of reach for anybody who stays in the game for a matter of months. Depending on your dancing history and the overall level in your area, that could be three to twenty-four months, but in many areas it's in the lower/middle of that time scale.

The reality is most leads take some group classes for three to six months before simply social dancing and watching other guys. Some watch clips on the web to learn more and a few purchase some DVDs. When you learn primarily by watching, it’s easy to miss details. Of the guys who do take group classes, the majority take once or twice a week for a few months before cutting back. The dropout rates of group classes are amazingly high after the first four to six months.

If you make a concentrated effort, it’s easy to learn faster than average. In addition, most guys level off after a couple months, so just staying in the learning game an extra four to six months can make you stand out. Nothing says you should quit learning after that point, but the momentum of getting beyond average often pushes you even higher up the food chain.

Secret Number 3: A few private lessons can make a huge difference
If you take some private lessons with a strong instructor, you can greatly accelerate your march toward "above average." You don't need to take 40 lessons, but most guys would be well served to take six to twelve lessons from an experienced instructor. They can show you tricks of the trade that polish your skills quickly, pushing you toward "above average" much faster than the guys who either learn on their own or primarily attend group classes. Instructional DVDs can also make a huge difference.

Over the longer term, I'm not advising you to stay and camp out at the slightly above average level. It’s an excellent first goal as you start dancing. You always decide where you want to end up.

If you're starting out, set your initial sights on getting above the average for your scene. The momentum of getting to that level will carry most guys way beyond the 50% mark, with much less effort than the effort to get started. You’ll have enough success and experience to see what it takes to grow beyond, and you have a tail wind of stronger partners assisting.

Gentlemen in the above average group will tell you the view from there is very different than being the new kid on the block. It's worth all the effort and while being your personal best is an ideal goal, once you get a little beyond the average in your area, the joy is multiplied and the effort seems like it was trivial compared to the fun.

Let me know what you’re doing to get into that above average range.

Great things are not something accidental, but certainly must be willed.
--Vincent Van Gogh

Ego: Without It No Men In the Clubs

In a comment on another article, someone mentioned, "There is no place for ego when two becomes one." My first thoughts was, "Hmmm… I’m not so sure about that because that means I’m off the floor and most of my leader friends would need to go home too."

My next thought was, "Should your ego be on display when you dance?"

The politically correct answer is "No! Never. It's all about my partner!" But hey, that is simply not the reality for the strong men dancing out there. Salsa is about opposites attracting, and guys with big egos are often in demand if they handle it correctly. It's fine for guys to "show off" from time-to-time.

It's about balance and I like the old 80/20 rule: If you’re a guy, 80% of your focus should be on your partner, 20% of the time you may highlight your best and then return focus toward your partner. (Maybe 90/10 would be a better target for some of us bigger egos… You be the judge.)

I'm one of many who tell you to take care of your partners, put them first, and make them feel great. You're missing it if you “over dance” your partners regularly. Your moves shouldn’t be shouting “look at me” most of the time, but rather “look at my beautiful partner.”

Many times when you do it right, your best will bring out the best in your partners and they will seem brighter too. Feeding off each other is the best situation.

Does that mean I don't have an ego when I put the ladies first? Do I try to simply blend in and always stay in the background?

Heck NO! I'm one of the most egotistical guys you'll ever meet, but hopefully I express that in a way that works well for others. Most guys are pragmatic, making lots of mistakes while younger and some actually learn from those experiences. More mature men (little to do with age) have learned that looking great from the refection of their partners is a much stronger statement than taking actions that shout, "I'm great" or “Watch me” all the time.

Ideally, your dancing displays a quiet confidence most of the time, with flashes of brilliance appropriate for your partner and the moment in the music. Your ego is always there, but not always screaming for attention. A sprinkle here and there goes a long way.

It's all about ebb and flow, and great dancers often dance way below their high-end technical abilities, instead maximizing their feel and focusing on their partners. They select strategic moments to pull out all the stops. While the ego may be bubbling below the surface, the best wait for the right partners and music, and even then they have moments of extreme calm and simplicity.

The strongest often employ the, "I've got it, but I don't need to show it every dance," type of mentality. Their ego is so strong they are comfortable if you don’t see it for a while. They aren't hiding it, but rather selectively letting it show through without taking away from their partners.

Most guys would never be in the clubs if they didn't have an ego, and few would put in the effort to dance well without an ego component. Dancing exceptionally well is a choice that some make because their ego is involved, and they want to stand out from the crowd. They work on it, often to impress the women and show off their skills.

I have no problem with men showing their outstanding moves, but I'm not impressed by dancing that isn't in sync with their current partner and the music, combined with a healthy respect for those around them.

I don't respect the egos that ignore others, over-dancing their current partner, and/or push others aside to grab more and more spotlight. Some guys abuse there skills in an effort to become the center of attention, in almost every dance, while their partners appear as an afterthought. That's way outside good sense and tends to be the mark if an immature dancer (or person).

Male dancers of all styles, all around the world dance well to impress women. A smart man takes care of his partner first because that is best for both of them. You can have a massive ego but still showcase your partner on the social floor.

Salsa doesn't require you to hide your ego or masculinity; instead, it's about channeling it toward a partner combination, and making her the star of the show most of the time.

In my world, ego plays a strong positive role in pushing guys forward; it’s about how you use it that makes it a negative or positive.

Let me know your examples of the male ego at its best and worst via the comments link below.

Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don't be afraid to follow it.
--Joseph Campbell

Avoid New Partners When Soaked

I get lots of private e-mails and I just had to write about this issue on behalf of my female partners. It's similar to bad breath or body odor. Nobody wants to let you know, so I'll take one for the team.

You'd think this is obvious, but guys pay attention: When you're totally soaked from some great dances, that's not the best time to ask a new partner to dance. Find someone you already know who doesn't care or take a break.

If it's a first dance and you are not already a known superstar or elite dancer in your pond, most women are not thrilled when they figure out you're all wet. It just isn't your finest first impression. If you do dance with a new partner and you're soaked, avoid close holds or putting her hand on your shoulder until after you've established you're an amazing dancer. Sometimes that softens the reality, but often it's not enough for a new partner.

It does change a little as you build a positive history with a partner. After a set of fun dances with a partner, fewer care that you're all wet.

The opposite applies to the ladies who are new to the scene. They are often not ready for the reality of dancing in hot weather or a club without enough air conditioning (read: almost all of them). Many are very uncomfortable when you're all wet.

Sometimes I see someone I've known a while and said, "I'm all wet" just before the normal "salsa hug" greeting and some hug anyway, even after I warn them off. If a dancer has been in the scene a few years, they are much less likely to get bothered. They've seen it before and sometimes it simply goes with the territory on hot nights.

It's much less of an issue if you're in a club where everybody is soaked, because it's the dead of the summer and/or the AC can't keep up. Look around, and if you're way beyond those around you, find a previous partner and/or sit one out every so often. It never hurts to bring extra shirts and change every hour or two if you know it's one of those warmer nights.

One of my favorite clubs requires men to have shirts with collars. On those nights I wear golf shirts made from materials designed for playing sports in the hot sun. (I like the Nike Dri-Fit , but there are plenty of others.) The fabric is designed to dry faster, and some of them look pretty classy.

I go to athletic stores and look in the golf, tennis and training sections for shirts designed for outdoor, sunny events. By design, those shirts dry quicker and they feel dryer even when damp. Some are not as salsa stylish, but I'm a guy and being partner friendly is more important to me than being fashion forward.

The overall rule is: Dance with known partners, experienced dancers and/or take breaks when your soaked. Avoid the beginners and those new to the scene, as it's a total turn-off for many women when you're soaked and they don't know you.

Ladies: As a rule, most guys don't care as much and many are turned on by your hair being a little damp (or more). Few will mention this out loud, but it often reminds them of more intimate moments in their life. Guys are just not that picky overall.

Ladies might avoid backless attire on extra warm nights, but again, most guys get over it if you're wearing something that makes you feel great. Your confidence and smile are more important to most and when you feel great about your outfit, it positively impacts your attitude and attracts more guys.

The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.
--Sam Carbin