Comments on The Unlikely Salsero - Don Baarns: It's Hard to Hate Your Partner While Dancing

Ok, so I should better rephrase that question to:<...

2007-08-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I should better rephrase that question to:
how do I turn a lady down who is impossible to lead but keeps asking me nonetheless? :)

'Only if you let ME lead this time' did not really work as an answer *grin*

If you keep improving yourself, some ladies will a...

2007-08-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

If you keep improving yourself, some ladies will ask you.

Unless they ask, I rarely tell them anything. If I ask them to dance, then it's my problem if they don't follow the way I believe they should or they lack some skill I'd like.

I have to admit I don't ask them very often if they are making zero progress and they are impossible to lead.

If I want them to make eye contact and they are totally avoiding me, I use bad humor (the only type I have). I say something like "If your partner is ugly, don't ever look him in the eye."

In most cases, they realize they are not looking at me and they start grinning (assuming I deliver that line correctly). I often add, "If he is really, really ugly, just look at his hair or his forehead and he won't know the difference..."

Outside of finding a few light hearted comments to see if they respond, I don't try to change them or give them any advise on the floor.

Again, I make sure they see I'm improving, they see me dancing with stronger partners over time, and some really want assistance. In those few cases I may make a suggestion, but they practically have to beat it out of me.

I figure if they want instruction, they can hire someone (me or someone else). If we've danced multiple times and they keep asking, then I know they really want to know, and I might make a suggestion.

If I'm dancing at a new location, and I get burned too many times, I take a break and figure out who is wearing dance shoes, who is already a reasonable dancer and I target those follows. Some nights I do random dances and sometimes it works great and occasionally it's not much fun.

I'm sure a huge set of women wanted to change almost everything about my dancing at points, and most keep quiet while I figure some things out.

A have a few follows I wish would ask me, but even if they did I would be careful about what I say. Most of the time if they ask me I respond with "what do you think you should target for improvement" and then I reword those areas and possibly add the one single thing I think could make the biggest difference.

This is all assuming social dancing. If I'm in instructor mode and working with someone, then that is a totally different scenario.

That reminds me of a problem I got a few times: ho...

2007-08-27T13:53:00.000-07:00

That reminds me of a problem I got a few times: how do I tell someone there is a problem?

Yeah, I know, I should not tell someone in a bar or party setting corrections, but sometimes there is a fundamental problem so deep no one will dance a second dance with the lady, but no one will tell her why.

For example last salsa festival in hamburg I was dancing with a few ladies I never met before, and encountered a *lot* of problems.

One lady would not look me in the eyes. not even in the face. She had a face like a ballroom dancer dancing waltz, always looking to the left, away from the partner. Of course she missed most visual clues like held out hands waving in front of her face so she would grab them.
Ah yes, and about missing clues: a few other ladies where so lost in their 'styling' they missing nearly every clue. Want the second hand after a CBL? No way, she had bend her arm backwards so she faced away from me, and any lead from my part would have caused her a lot of pain in her arm, so I left it.
But most ladies I locally dance with have the worst problem: no tension at all. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Instead of being led they dance whatever they think is right.
How do I tell these there is a problem?

I tried with one lady I know, and she said 'my partner said I resisted too much, so I'm easy now', confusing tension with resistance.
*sigh*
What to do with these ladies? (guys probably have problems, too, but since I dance with ladies I won't know *gg*)