Comments on The Unlikely Salsero - Don Baarns: Ego: Without It No Men In the Clubs

Boutell: You are right, many women like to be chal...

2011-01-14T11:01:14.020-08:00

Boutell: You are right, many women like to be challenged. If that's what they like, then go for it. I'm NOT against doing more if that's your partners pref.

My issue is I see lots of guys "do more" when it doesn't fit the partner or the music.

We're on the same page... and I have no problem with the guys showing off and/or being very intense from time to time.

It's all in how it's balanced, and frankly most guys don't follow the music or adapt to their partner. They do more when it doesn't fit either the music or their partner.

One size never fits all.

Some women are disappointed if you don't push ...

2011-01-13T06:01:29.841-08:00

Some women are disappointed if you don't push them a little, especially the "enthused intermediates" (maybe "crazed intermediates" is a more accurate term). It's all about connecting with her, not just physically but being in tune with what she's enjoying and what she's not. The partner who shouts "try that again!" definitely doesn't want you to dial it back. The partner who frowns when she can't follow something definitely would prefer that you chill out and have a dance that focuses much more on connection.

Talking about ego... I like to think I'm all about my partner, but in truth one of my favorite things ever is to be the out of town boy in a salsa club. They can see that you can dance, but they don't know the limitations of your repertoire the way your homegirls do. People get interested. You get to be a rockstar for the night and they'd be disappointed if you *didn't* go for it a little. Always a blast.

Ego is a big word. It might include confidence, a...

2008-10-13T04:44:00.000-07:00

Ego is a big word. It might include confidence, arrogance, machismo, selfishness, vanity and many other things. I remember on a management training course once being told to think of "undesirable" characteristics as "desirable" ones done to excess. Thus, too much confidence becomes arrogance, too much attention to detail becomes pedantry etc. And too little of any characteristic is also undesirable. Thus, too little vanity becomes scruffiness. People vary in where they are on all of these scales and they move about too depending on how they are feeling and where they are at. Dancing has to be emotional to be its best and strong emotions can create great dancing. People have different motivations and objectives in dancing. Ego is an important part of the mix.

Some women have strong egos too.

Hmm,

When women know you CAN do much more b...

2008-10-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

Hmm,

When women know you CAN do much more but you are focused on them, they are even more attracted to you.

As a drummer it took me a long time to learn it was not how many notes I played, but how I played each note that counted. What you leave out is as important as what you play.

There is an art in doing less and making it feel better. Over time most mature artists learn to enjoy both ends of the spectrum.

Your message gives me some thoughts that I'll expand into an article. Fire away with more questions/comments if appropriate!

ego is something I've struggled with for a long ti...

2008-10-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

ego is something I've struggled with for a long time. I dabble in salsa, but most of my dancing is in international Latin, ballet and i also do break dancing. Recently, because of a knee injury, I've been trying to dance egoless and not force my body. Still I'm most attracted to the bravura male dancing. I love letting loose and doing air tours, spins and ground tricks. I guess my problem with salsa is that I can't unleash the beast inside. In salsa I always feel like I'm under dancing. My question is how a style that focuses on the female dancer attract talented male dancers who have the technical skills to do much much more?

Some guys essence isn't inner tranquility and if t...

2008-10-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Some guys essence isn't inner tranquility and if they express their real nature, it may or may not be appropriate for partner dancing.

The definition of "real dancing" will vary from person to person.

I suspect we agree that some guys are way too focused on themselves, but there is also room for self-expression and even some "showing off" in the right balance.

It's good to hear your point of view!

The ego: "a dysfunctional relationship with the pr...

2008-10-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

The ego: "a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment".

Inner tranquility, expressing your real nature, your essence: this is real dancing.

Thank you for writing this!!!! I wish I could give...

2008-10-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you for writing this!!!! I wish I could give this to many male dancers. Some just don't get it. I live and dance in the Dominican Republic - salsa is danced fast and furious most of the time - it is all about ego. The men spend way too much time showing off!

Making your partner and thus themselves look good is not even in the equation for most of them. There are exceptions - but they are few and far between. I will copy this and translate it to Spanish.............

Thanks again.