Comments on The Unlikely Salsero - Don Baarns: Unaware Club For Men (Revised)

Happy New Year to the Unlikely Salsero!

2011-01-09T22:59:16.249-08:00

Happy New Year to the Unlikely Salsero!

As an experienced follower I thank you for writin...

2011-01-06T05:21:03.145-08:00

As an experienced follower I thank you for writing this blog! Too many dancers are completely unaware.

I have been stepped on, bumped into,whacked and clobbered too many times by the unaware. I am a petite dancer who is easily pushed and powered into moves that are unsafe for me and others on the dance floor. I have walked off of dance floors after being hurt one time too many.

Awareness of your abilities, your partners and your dance space is crucial to everyone having a good time on the dance floor!

One other comment Don, this applies to some of the followers as well, women who don't follow well, use their "style" to flail about the dance floor. Fingers and those damn acrylic nails hurt when they smack into you.

Great Article Don! I know there was a time when I ...

2010-10-13T19:32:03.964-07:00

Great Article Don! I know there was a time when I used to be in that club and maybe occasionally I still visit it :). It is so easy for us to get oblivious of others. But I agree, like Socrates said back in the day: "The more you know, the more you realize that you don't know" or something like that :). See you on the dance floor! I hope to get to visit LA again sometime soon!

Haha, reminds me of Dr. Paul Dobransky's versi...

2010-05-27T08:33:10.488-07:00

Haha, reminds me of Dr. Paul Dobransky's version of the Observing Ego concept:
"The idea is that we have an inherent mechanism through we which we can view our behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and actions in real time as they are manifesting. Furthermore, we can become aware of why these forces are coming into effect, and make proactive changes as necessary to avoid negative consequences, or turn situations into positive learning experiences. Its as if there is an actual second person who is viewing us from above through an objective prism and giving us direct feedback about the reality of the situation."

Seems that men of the unaware club have poorly developed OEs ;-).
http://decodethematrix.blogspot.com/2008/06/observing-ego.html

Great stuff; I appreciate the time you take to write about your growth --in the various directions you see fit. I am currently interested in becoming a better salsa dancer and your site really helps! Thanks for the many articles I read and the many a-ha moments I have experienced whilst reading them. A wealth of information; thanks on behalf of all your readers who don't take the time to thank you ;-).
We appreciate it!!

As a woman, I don't agree with what Anonymous said...

2009-03-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

As a woman, I don't agree with what Anonymous said a couple of posts above. If a guy is a good dancer, any woman after taking just a couple of classes can follow him. If a guy doesn't know what he's doing, it can be a challenge even for and advanced dancer to follow him. I totally agree with Don, some guys are overconfident and blissfully ignorant, they throw you around the floor, make you bump into other people, making you look bad, when it's actually their lousy leading that is at fault.

In many occasions, the instructors have not emphas...

2009-03-02T02:37:00.000-08:00

In many occasions, the instructors have not emphasised the interaction between the dance partners (or the partnership of the dancers involved). Perhaps they themselves do not realise the importance of this factor. That might have also contributed towards the situation.

Some Taiji hand-pushing exercises with eyes closed might help.

You are right, reading your partner and adjusting ...

2008-03-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

You are right, reading your partner and adjusting in real time is the mark of a more mature dancer.

Many of the guys who don't know aren't paying enough attention to their partners so they are less likely to have empathy with them.

For most guys, being unaware is a phase, but for some it's just the way they are...

I thought this sounded very familiar, but it's har...

2008-03-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

I thought this sounded very familiar, but it's hard to believe that I read this NYT article over 7 years ago. How time flies.

Empathy is very powerful tool in my opinion. While not quite the same thing, being able to read how your partner is feeling through the body/finger/etc connection and being able to instantly adjust to it gracefully adds another dimension to the quality of one's lead, etc.

I have no idea if you are the one who doesn't know...

2008-03-15T23:55:00.000-07:00

I have no idea if you are the one who doesn't know. I suspect since you read blogs on dancing, you are someone who isn't ignorant.

The guys who think they know it all usually don't take the time/effort to seek out resources for self-development. While you and I may respectfully disagree on something, you are reading and in my experience, that means you are aware there are things to learn.

******

I certainly have a bigger ego than most (and probably most combined).

That said, I'm painfully aware of my strenghts and weaknesses. When you dance in LA next to some of the people winning the contests around the world, teach at the same clubs, take classes where most 20 year olds totally smoke me on EVERYTHING, it's easy to realize how little I know.

Being someone who thought he was a hot shot musicially until I moved to LA (from Detroit) I ate lots of humble pie as a young man in the music scene. I made that mistake once and I learned the hard way.

While I have a big ego, I'm a constant student of dance and life. I continue to take classes regularly and I'm often in the lower third of the class on my best days.

I started as the worst in the classes, but I take private lessons with the instructor so my understanding is improving even if I can't execute yet.

I'm modest because I'm surrounded by EXCELLENT dancers regularly and by comparison, I'm barely a beginner. I know how little I know, even if I know more than many people.

And I've taught music and salsa for years, but I'm still at the beginning of the journey.

I appreciate your feedback and commments!

Interesting. I've been to clubs where most women (...

2008-03-15T23:28:00.000-07:00

Interesting. I've been to clubs where most women (beginners / average dancers) didn't follow well and where several guys (low level) bumped into me; does that mean I'm necessarily the one who was unaware?!
You sound very proud of your 'modesty' so you'd better follow your own advice: Could you yourself be unaware of the size of your own ego?

I agree we all go through that phase, but there ar...

2008-03-14T22:29:00.000-07:00

I agree we all go through that phase, but there are many guys who stay in the unaware club for a long, long time.

Some guys realize early on they are just OK, knowing they have to go through that phase to get to the other side. They work on improving, and are hungry to learn.

Some guys think they are excellent partner dancers and don't realize they even need additional resources and/or could use some assistance.

I agree we have to act more confident than we might be in the beginning, but there is a set of guys who simply ignore others and don't realize they have quite a bit to learn.

(I still have a ton to learn, and I'm painfully aware of how little I know...)

Keep on dancing! Starting at 43 all I can say is I wish I had started at age 35 and kept going. There is nothing that matches a few years of experience.

I appreciate the feedback and if I missed something, fire away!

I started reading recently at the suggestion of a ...

2008-03-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

I started reading recently at the suggestion of a friend. I started dancing two years ago at 35, and I'm beginning to wonder if teaching is not completely out of the question. Thanks for the shining example in that department.

I think we've all been that clueless guy. Part of the problem is that asking and leading both require confidence. Maybe a little too much confidence.

We psych ourselves up to climb the mountain, and then discover we've knocked it over. It takes time to reach the point where we become more aware of our partners as individuals and more aware of the dance floor as a whole, without detracting from the confidence that allows us to give it a go in the first place.