Back in the Saddle and Keeping Up Physical Therapy

This is mostly a personal entry…

It’s been an interesting month here and I’m back working on articles. You’ll see a new set over the near term.

It’s been extra insane around my house. Many of you know I have five kids and I’m probably busier than most, even during my “normal” periods. This last month has been off the charts in terms of external projects.

My oldest son graduated from college. I helped him move a few hours away to his first job. One of my daughters turned sixteen (big party… new back lawn and lots of house fix up for the big day) and my mother-in-law broke her hip, giving my wife hospital duties and me some additional driving duties for my four other kids (mother-in-law is recovering slowly).

While I’ve missed some dance classes, taking classes is about the only thing I did outside of work, home repair, and driving kids around. I didn’t go club dancing, but I’ve made some excellent dance progress overall. Sometimes I think taking a short break from club dancing is an excellent perspective builder, but I’ll detail that in another article.

I learned this technique earlier in life, when I started working out. If you need some of my time that overlaps one of my favorite classes, I may not tell you the explicit nature of my conflict. If you have to know why I can’t make your event, I often say I have “physical therapy” and most people respect that conflict. If they press I tell them, “I’m working on my balance and strength related to some previous activities.” I don’t provide any additional details and it works great.

If I say, “I’m going to a dance class”, they act like that can’t be important, but I disagree. I make it a point to keep a few classes as “appointments for myself” and unless someone is dying, I rarely miss them. A couple days a week I avoid business meetings late in the day so I can make a 5:30pm class that really challenges me. I treat it as personal therapy and it makes me stronger and better at almost everything else I do, and I hate to miss it.

I make my living at the computer (I solve business problems all day) and being physically healthy improves my thinking ability. Not only do I love dancing, but I enjoy the challenge of improving my physical and mental abilities, and good dance classes fit that bill.

Being older than many dancers, I know how tough it can be shoehorning a new passion into your already busy life. Sometimes I laugh to myself when someone says they don’t have time to learn something new.

In my case I use the micro-practice concepts I’ve previously discussed, I practice in my car (head and shoulder isolations), do some mental training, and I still go to a set of classes, even when I’m extremely busy. If someone wants my class time, once I mention the physical therapy conflict, we generally find a different time. It’s not perfect, and occasionally I still miss some classes, but overall it helps me keep some control in an extremely hectic schedule.

Let me know what you do to keep your dance education moving, even when things are crazy.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
--Mae West

Taking Classes Over My Head: Part 2

This is part 2 of a series on Taking Classes Over My Head. Check out the previous article, cleverly named "Taking Classes Over My Head: Part 1."

Imagine an up-and-coming athlete who decides he’s skipping strength training because he “just wants to play the game.” That doesn’t work, because strength is foundational to playing at higher levels in sports. Similarly, if your dance goals include being above average, investing in your foundation while pursuing higher-level classes is an excellent strategy for longer-term growth.

Most people dislike being called a beginner as an adult, even if that's their current status. Many guys prefer struggling in the intermediate or advanced classes rather than be caught dead in the beginner class. For many, it's simply uncool to be at the novice level, and they can't wait to "move on," even if that means skipping some fundamentals. They purchase “advanced” DVDs when they are far from mastering the lower level DVDs from the same instructor.

As someone famous for taking classes over his head, I’ve seen some great progress and been frustrated at points. I highly recommend you attend some classes above your level, even if you sit out part of the class and watch. Being around great dancers can inspire or depress you, depending on your personality and goals; but either way, it’s good to see what you’ll be like in a few years if you put in the effort.

It’s also important to note that I approach solo and partner dancing differently. In individual dancing classes (jazz, hip-hop, samba, salsa footwork, etc.) you should challenge yourself by trying the higher-level classes at regular intervals. If you create a bad habit or try a move and get hurt, that’s far from ideal. But it’s your issue, created by reaching higher, and you can dial it back a little before moving forward again. Being around the stronger dancers can accelerate your growth and inspire you to work harder, although sometimes going back a level is the best strategy for longer-term growth.

In a partnering class, being over your head isn’t always the best idea. You can injure a partner trying to perform a move that is too far beyond your current skill level, not to mention frustrate partners who are also trying to improve. You can also build a set of partners who avoid you at the clubs, knowing you’re not ready for prime time. You need to balance your level with that of the class in partnering situations, and be mindful that your background (or lack of it) affects others.

Sometimes you need another approach and I employ a method I call “backfilling.” If I’m going to take a class that’s over my head, I make sure I’m also filling in the gaps in my experiences. This translates into taking lower level classes at the same time, hiring the instructor for private lessons, or watching instructional DVDs and/or on-line clips that provide foundational information.

I’m also not afraid to abandon a more advanced class and go to a lower level—including beginner—if the moves or techniques are too far over my head. After a while, (weeks or months) I’ll continue the lower level class and ADD the more advanced class to see if I’m ready. I often continue with the lower level classes along with the advanced class for a few months or more after moving up, reinforcing the basics, while also working on more advanced material at the same time.

As I’ve stated, there can be a dark side to going to classes over your head. Without a proper foundation and some backfilling, more advanced classes can frustrate, build a set of bad habits, and in a partner situation, hurt someone. If you do take more advanced classes, stay out of the way when the moves get too complex for your current level.

In a group class, instructors don’t have the time (or desire) to fix you if you’re too far away from the class average. Many teachers focus on the better dancers in the class, especially if they label the class as intermediate or advanced. This means you sink or swim mostly on your own. Sometimes beating your head against the wall when the majority is much further down the road isn’t a good use of your time.

Many classes build on previous knowledge and it’s your responsibility to be sure you can keep up, especially when partnering. When taking classes over my head, I often take some private lessons with the instructor, sit out parts of classes if appropriate, and make sure I practice on my own to get up to speed. The private lesson gives the instructor a chance to slow down the material and explain details that others already know from previous experiences.

Combining private lessons and classes, I learn the right way to do the exercises or can ask for clarification of complex class materials during my next private lesson. The combination creates a multiplier effect. I get more from the classes and grow much faster, sometimes passing people who were beyond my level and have taken the classes for months or years.

As stated, taking advanced classes and challenging yourself to move up is an excellent idea. However, if you take too many shortcuts and ignore the lower level material, you’ll pay a negative price over time. Those who gloss over the fundamentals often end up either being weaker than they should be or going back later to fill in the blanks.

Free lunches rarely exist on or off the dance floor, so be sure to backfill and seek out the fundamentals as you move up the class ladder. Over time, you’ll become an excellent dancer if you continue to seek out instruction, no matter what they label the classes or DVDs.

There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean
level wouldn't cure.
--Ross MacDonald

Breaking In at an Event or Congress: Part II

After last week's article on Breaking In at an Event or Congress, I realized I missed some things that may be helpful. These same concepts also apply when attending a new club, so don't limit their application to a big event.

All events are social in nature, and you want to stack the odds in your favor if you are new and/or don't know too many people.

Location, Location, Location
If you aren't getting the dances you want, one of the bigger factors is location. All rooms have "sweet spots" for being asked, usually places where more people enter and exit the dance floor. Your job is to look around the room, find the sweet spots, then get your glammed-up self standing in that area.

If you realize another spot looks better, move. If you are not getting dances in one area, go use the restroom and start over in another area. Move, circulate and smile if you skip more than a couple songs. Few things are worse for your social assimilation than sitting for half a dozen songs between dances, so be bolder and move the second you realize your current location isn't the best.

Minimize the Barriers Between You and the Dance Floor
Don't make it difficult for someone to get to you. If you are female, are you easy to ask if I'm just entering the room? If the music started, do I have to navigate around four tables and the kissing couple to ask you? Move if there are too many tables, chairs, people between you and the floor.

Stand When Practical
Are you sitting or standing? As a rule, standing close to the edge of the floor dramatically increases your odds of being asked. My concept of "when practical" means when you are not dancing and you want to dance as soon as possible. Sitting doesn't take you out of the game, but it reduces your odds.

If you are in the back of the room, or sitting off in a corner, most people wonder if you want a break, and unless they know you they are less likely to ask you, especially if there many other choices. Make yourself easy to be asked.

Last May, I wrote an article targeting ladies going to clubs and not getting enough dances, and the same principles apply at any new event or congress. Check out "Why Don't the Guys Ask Me?" for some additional tips and more details. While it's written with the ladies in mind, guys may find some interesting things to think about.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.
-Samuel Johnson

Breaking In at an Event or Congress: Part 1

I had the following comment from SnowDancer:

You're giving me a bit of a scare about attending my first congress in Salt Lake
City next month. I'm just an intermediate dancer (1 1/2 years), not a really
great-looking guy either, but I do fine in my local scene (partly by following
your advice to make friends with everyone:-)). I'd hate to think I've spent all
this money to go to an event where I'll get turned down a lot.:-(

Rather than simply reply to his comment, I'd like to clarify: Events tend to be where more people take chances with someone they don't know. The fact that you've done well in your current scene means you are highly likely to do well at the event. If you hadn't already done well in your local scene, the congress is a great place to "start over," and build up your game so things will be better back home as well.

Guys have almost no excuses at events, because we can ask, and ask someone else if a lady says "No thank you." Ladies could have it easier because it's the perfect time to be a little bolder and ask for dances from the leads they like. There are so many new faces, it's easier to get dances even if most people stay in their comfort zone and dance with people they already know.

If you are new at an event or don't know many people, it's similar to going to a new club; be friendly with everybody you meet. I look for people with the wrist bands as I'm walking through the hotel (or the venue) and say hello to virtually everybody who is attending the event. If I'm not sure, I say hello anyway, or simple nod hello as I walk by. I know half the people are thinking "Do I know him?" because I have no idea who they are either, but saying hello breaks the ice and when you ask for a dance it's not the first time they've seen your face.

I've asked people in the parking lot, or checking in at the hotel if they are attending the salsa event. If they say yes, I ask which instructors they like, how long have they danced, is this their first time to this event and/or ask them where are they from. Anything to get them talking about themselves.

Figure out your own questions in advance, but remember that "hello" is pretty universal and "Did you travel far?", "Where are you from?", "Have you done this event before?" or "How long have you danced?" all work pretty well. If they have attended in the past, ask them if they have an recommendations for someone attending the event the first time. Most people are very happy to provide advice to others if you ask.

As I said earlier, I don't have to know someone, but I still nod and say hi in the hallways, restaurants, event check-in, and in the classes. If you don't know many people be sure to take as many workshops as possible, especially those at your level.

Use the time before and after the class to say hello to a few people, and expand your network a little with each workshop. Find a few other people around your level, and once you have a few good dances, introduce those people to a few of your partners, even if you don't know them well. People love to dance with people where there is an established connection, even if that connection was only established via an introduction 30 seconds ago. That has a different feel from a stranger saying, "Would you like to dance?"

Another winning strategy is to get a nap in at some point and stay late. People tend to start the evening dancing with those they know. After a couple hours they have already danced with their existing favorites and many will say yes late in the evening. This same strategy works at clubs.

Consider starting with the mindset that you're going to be the most connected person at the event. You're going to get more people together, say hello to more people and be the friendliest person on the scene. They'll remember you introduced them to a good lead if they are a follow, and/or you connected another lead with an appropriate follow. In other words, become one of the people who connects others, and they will remember you and dance with you. Everybody wins if you do it right.

In the end, you may not be the most connected person, but working toward that end will make you remembered. Once you recommend and connect a few people, they generally do the same for you.

As I've stated many times, look for great couples or couples having fun and let them know they look good together, immediately after the dance. Do as much of that as possible. If you ask those people to dance the next day they are very likely to say yes. It doesn't always work, but nothing is perfect. Just be sure you are only saying it when you mean it.

Don't worry about being turned down, it will happen and there are generally plenty of people who aren't dancing, just waiting to be asked. Just say "Next!" (to yourself) and move on. Ladies, this is also the right time to be bolder than normal and ask a few leads if you sit too long. At home you may not ask as much, but you are not at home and it's the perfect time to grab a lead that looks like they would be a fun dance. Most guys love being asked and very few will say no, especially at an event.

Obviously, you can apply these concepts to any new club you attend. I'd love to hear what others do at an event to become a larger part of the social scene and improve their chances of having great dances.

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Free Advice (Don't)

Free advice is worth the paper it's printed on.

Don’t give advice to people who don’t ask you. Unless they are paying for your advice, they really don’t want to hear your negative thoughts. Most people will resent you for pointing out areas they need to improve, even if your advice is “perfect” for them. While I can give you the same advice for free, most people won’t listen to me until they are paying for my point of view.

How many times have you heard someone saying nasty things about their best friend, sibling, spouse or S.O., and then ten minutes later practically get in a fight if someone else says the same thing? I can tell someone my sister/wife/mother is an, “ugly, blood-sucking parasite, not worth the space she takes on earth”. But if you say, “she should consider a different hair style,” those are fighting words.

If someone asks me for advice, I find what I like about their dancing or appearance and highlight it for them. You can find something good about everybody. We are all a work in progress and when I hear a lady likes the way I spin her or the way I lead a certain move, I am encouraged and continue to work on improving my dancing.

It’s easy for me to be a critic and find areas you can improve, but most of the time it’s just not helpful for me to point out your weaknesses. When I’m in the club sometimes I think I’m in an alternate universe because a third of the guys are dancing off the time. Do you think I’m going to break the news to them? NO WAY!!! They don’t care what I think, the ladies with them are having fun, and they are there for social activities, not to impress me.

Am I qualified to give great advice on timing? Absolutely! It’s one of my strengths, but that still doesn’t mean they want to hear it from me unless they are paying for that advice. Plus the club is generally the wrong environment for teaching.

In my case, I could look more stylish and you pointing it my style is "vanilla" or “you don't look Cuban” isn’t some big news to me. I take classes every month from a Cuban salsero and some hip-hop classes to fill out my movement vocabulary and body control. So again, unless you know me really well, I probably don’t need to hear it from you, since I’m already working on my weaknesses.

So the general rule is: Don’t give advice unless you’re being paid.

There are some minor exceptions to this rule. In my "Friends Don't Let Friends Dance Big" article, I mention you should let your friends know if their dancing is turning people off. Here are a couple additional points you should consider:

1) If they are your friend, you SHOULD tell them if they are dancing too large, too wild, they have bad breath, or if they should try a different deodorant. Nobody else is going to tell them, and as the song goes, "That's what friends are for..."

2) Do it discreetly, unless there is an immediate accident waiting to happen. Don’t do it in front of others, but rather in the rest room, on the drive home, or during a break when others can’t hear you. Many people don’t want any feedback, but as long as you deliver it correctly, they need to hear it from you.

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
-Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts